(Total Views: 70)
Posted On: 11/07/2017 7:30:22 PM
Post# of 27264
I'm incredibly flattered that my therapist thinks I should be in anger management.
I've never even held an entry-level position.
I tried saving a cat in a tree but the darn thing wouldn't accept Jesus.
Went by the house where I grew up.
Asked to go in to look around, but they said no and shut the door in my face.
My parents can be so rude.
Sorry I yelled "chug it" to your baby, as you were breastfeeding.
The scariest thing about the Cold War was the threat of getting stuck inside a bunker with your spouse.
Why bother drinking water? You're just gonna pee it out.
This is what Big Water doesn't want you to know.
Water is so good when it's mixed with barley, hops, and yeast.
I've gotten away with blaming the dog for my farts dozens of times so I hope my wife believes me when I tell her that he just shit my pants.
Told my wife I wanted our kids every other weekend and she reminded me that we're married & live together so I'd have to see them every day.
If I say, "Don't worry, I'm on it," there's a 98% chance I'm referring to my couch.
I hate waiting in line. I wish this guy would hurry up and pick a suspect.
Maybe, just once, someone will call me sir without adding, "You're making a scene”.
Airline just told my girlfriend she has too much baggage & they've only known her a couple of minutes.
I've been listening to Pink Floyd for the past 2 hours. I'm about to just go ahead and skip to track 2.
"Do people really become like their pets?" I wonder, absentmindedly raising a leg above my head and staring into space.
Dentist: this is gonna hurt a little bit
Me: ok
Dentist: I've been sleeping with your mom
I've never even held an entry-level position.
I tried saving a cat in a tree but the darn thing wouldn't accept Jesus.
Went by the house where I grew up.
Asked to go in to look around, but they said no and shut the door in my face.
My parents can be so rude.
Sorry I yelled "chug it" to your baby, as you were breastfeeding.
The scariest thing about the Cold War was the threat of getting stuck inside a bunker with your spouse.
Why bother drinking water? You're just gonna pee it out.
This is what Big Water doesn't want you to know.
Water is so good when it's mixed with barley, hops, and yeast.
I've gotten away with blaming the dog for my farts dozens of times so I hope my wife believes me when I tell her that he just shit my pants.
Told my wife I wanted our kids every other weekend and she reminded me that we're married & live together so I'd have to see them every day.
If I say, "Don't worry, I'm on it," there's a 98% chance I'm referring to my couch.
I hate waiting in line. I wish this guy would hurry up and pick a suspect.
Maybe, just once, someone will call me sir without adding, "You're making a scene”.
Airline just told my girlfriend she has too much baggage & they've only known her a couple of minutes.
I've been listening to Pink Floyd for the past 2 hours. I'm about to just go ahead and skip to track 2.
"Do people really become like their pets?" I wonder, absentmindedly raising a leg above my head and staring into space.
Dentist: this is gonna hurt a little bit
Me: ok
Dentist: I've been sleeping with your mom
(0)
(0)
