(Total Views: 346)
Posted On: 03/25/2017 11:21:52 AM
Post# of 5246
I'm wearing the boxers with the little hearts all over them tonight....
It's probably not a good night to go to jail.
Getting married at 22 sounds a lot like leaving a party at 9:30pm.
Probably should not have driven home from the bar last night.. especially considering I walked there.
For once I would like to find a babysitter that doesn't get all upset when she gets to my house and realizes I don't have kids.
I'm not saying women are smarter than men, but its kinda ironic that there's so few known women serial killers and so many unsolved murders.
My boss just farted. I asked him if he was trying to get the condom out.
He's mad now.
Apparently, when your boss asks you to get a cake for a coworker's 60th birthday, 'cake' is not necessarily code for 'stripper.'
And apparently you can't get a sick leave just because you're sick of seeing everyone at the office.
My resume is really just a list of things I never want to do again.
My girlfriend left me for a hindu guy. Anyway, he'll treat her better - they worship cows.
how much morning wood, would my girlfriend suck, if she ever sucked and if I had a girlfriend. Whatever.
I never try to make guests feel at home. If they wanted to feel at home, they should have stayed there.
My wife is playing hard to get.
Rid of.
Great! I just wet my pants. Now people are gonna think I spilled a drink on myself.
My insurance does not cover Jesus taking the wheel. I checked.
The noblest of dogs is the hot dog, it feeds the hand that bites it.
Today I bought cupcakes without sprinkles.
Diets are hard.
I wish all my younger siblings would appreciate how low I set the bar for them.
I just wrote a check for 6 dollars, so I don't really wanna hear about your 'summer' house.
I told my Mom that I was going to the Apple store and she said, "You sound like you're 4 - it's the grocery store".
My neighbors were listening to some pretty cool music until the arseholes asked me to turn it down.
Two dead canaries for sale on e bay,
not going cheep.
I also saw a digital radio going cheap as it's stuck on full volume, can't turn that down.
It's probably not a good night to go to jail.
Getting married at 22 sounds a lot like leaving a party at 9:30pm.
Probably should not have driven home from the bar last night.. especially considering I walked there.
For once I would like to find a babysitter that doesn't get all upset when she gets to my house and realizes I don't have kids.
I'm not saying women are smarter than men, but its kinda ironic that there's so few known women serial killers and so many unsolved murders.
My boss just farted. I asked him if he was trying to get the condom out.
He's mad now.
Apparently, when your boss asks you to get a cake for a coworker's 60th birthday, 'cake' is not necessarily code for 'stripper.'
And apparently you can't get a sick leave just because you're sick of seeing everyone at the office.
My resume is really just a list of things I never want to do again.
My girlfriend left me for a hindu guy. Anyway, he'll treat her better - they worship cows.
how much morning wood, would my girlfriend suck, if she ever sucked and if I had a girlfriend. Whatever.
I never try to make guests feel at home. If they wanted to feel at home, they should have stayed there.
My wife is playing hard to get.
Rid of.
Great! I just wet my pants. Now people are gonna think I spilled a drink on myself.
My insurance does not cover Jesus taking the wheel. I checked.
The noblest of dogs is the hot dog, it feeds the hand that bites it.
Today I bought cupcakes without sprinkles.
Diets are hard.
I wish all my younger siblings would appreciate how low I set the bar for them.
I just wrote a check for 6 dollars, so I don't really wanna hear about your 'summer' house.
I told my Mom that I was going to the Apple store and she said, "You sound like you're 4 - it's the grocery store".
My neighbors were listening to some pretty cool music until the arseholes asked me to turn it down.
Two dead canaries for sale on e bay,
not going cheep.
I also saw a digital radio going cheap as it's stuck on full volume, can't turn that down.
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