I had to cancel my appointment at the
impotence clinic today. Something came up.

Archaeologists just dug up a book
called Irish Dancing Part Two: What To Do With Your Arms.

My cosmetic surgery may have gone wrong,
but I'm smiling on the inside.

The Pope took a huge dump in the Vatican
bathroom today. Holy crap !

Me: "You're like a drug to me."
Wife: "You mean I'm addictive."
Me: "No. I mean I can only take you in small doses."