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Bad Ads, Bad Polls, Bad Surrogates: It's All Falling Apart for the Trump Campaign

"Enough of the pussyfooting around."

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"Donald Trump will protect you. He is the only one who can."

Remember the convention speech? "I, alone, can fix this." Now, he's the only person who can protect me. But, geez, fellas, what if he's off somewhere grabbing someone's pussy when the mecha-robots from Saturn arrive? Do I have to wait for Steven Seagal?

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By Charles P. Pierce

Oct 12, 2016

Let's go walking through the shamble patch and see what we find.

Bad Surrogates: The pod person who replaced Kellyanne Conway while she slept one night went on the electric teevee machine today, breathing smoke and fire and righteous vengeance, and using words of which decent actual human working for Donald Trump never should come within groping distance. Tell us about it, ABC.

"We want the support of anybody who's going to publicly endorse us. But enough of the pussyfooting around in terms of, you know, do you support us or do you not support us."

Kellyanne? What you did there was something I saw.

Then there's Dr. Ben Carson, on whom the pod people gave up because what's the point, really? He went on CNN and delivered his own unique perspective on why it's OK for a possible president of the United States to give pointers on pussy-grabbing. The result was …fascinating.

"As I was growing up, people were always trying to talk about their sexual conquests," Carson said on CNN Tuesday. "And trying to make themselves appear you know like the Don Casanova. I'm surprised you haven't heard that, I really am." "I haven't heard it, and I know a lot of people who have not heard it. And I think they were shocked —," CNN host Brianna Keilar said. "Maybe that's the problem," Carson responded. "Maybe that's the problem, you know, people have not heard this."

There is Don Juan. And there is Giacomo Casanova. I believe "Don Casanova" either does two shows a night at the Dew Drop Inn or he sells used cars at a lot out by the airport. In any case, it's none of Doctor Ben's business what Brianna Keiler has heard in her young life. Get away, Doctor Feelgood.

Bad Numbers: Both Mr. Baldwin and Mr. Wallace have agreed that El Caudillo del Mar-A-Lago is suddenly in deep trouble in Ohio, and they've told Cleveland.com about it.

Clinton leads Trump, 48 percent to 38 percent, with 14 percent unsure, in a direct match-up, the poll found. When the two minority party candidates are added to the mix – as they are on state ballots -- Clinton leads by 9 percent, 43 percent to 34 percent. The Baldwin Wallace Community Research Institute poll began at 11 p.m.

Sunday, less than a half hour after the second debate concluded, and ended at 7 p.m. Tuesday. It surveyed 1,152 likely voters across the state, with quotas to make sure that the survey sample matched up with the state's age and gender breakdowns.

The margin of error is plus or minus 3 percent. Recent polls, which involved much smaller samples and higher margins of error, mostly showed the race to be closer, with most showing Trump slightly ahead but the most recent showing Clinton in the lead. Those polls were conducted before news broke about a video in which Trump described groping women and kissing them without permission.

C'mon, John Kasich. Just do it. You know you want to.

But Wednesday's real startler came from behind the Zion Curtain (h/t Top Commenter Roy Webb). Trump has had real trouble with the Latter Day Saints throughout the campaign.

Mitt Romney never has stopped whacking him around and, when the Access Hollywood tape broke big, Utah Congressman Jason Chaffetz was one of the first influential Republicans to go over the side.

Now, according to The Deseret News, many of his fellow Utahns may be following him over the rail.

And along with the billionaire businessman's sudden fall, independent candidate and BYU graduate Evan McMullin surged into a statistical tie with the two major party presidential nominees, according to survey conducted Monday and Tuesday by Salt Lake City-based Y2 Analytics.

"A third-party candidate could win Utah as Utahns settle on one," said Quin Monson, Y2 Analytics founding partner. McMullin may well have caught lightning in a bottle.

The poll shows Clinton and Trump tied at 26 percent, McMullin with 22 percent and Libertarian Gary Johnson getting 14 percent if the election were held today. Y2 Analytics surveyed 500 likely Utah voters over landlines and cellphones Oct. 10-11 The poll has a plus or minus 4.4 percent margin of error.

Evan McMullin, future president of Utah.

Bad Ad: There's a Trump commercial in heavy rotation on what used to be called the major networks. It's has an Eek-Muslims-roogie-roogie theme. It shows Hillary Rodham Clinton coughing and being helped into the SUV in New York when she was stricken with pneumonia. Watch it all the way through to the end because you are just going to love the punchline.

"Donald Trump will protect you. He is the only one who can."

Remember the convention speech? "I, alone, can fix this." Now, he's the only person who can protect me. But, geez, fellas, what if he's off somewhere grabbing someone's pussy when the mecha-robots from Saturn arrive? Do I have to wait for Steven Seagal?

Bad Candidate: Last night in Panama City, Florida.

"This election will determine whether we remain a free country in the truest sense of the word or we become a corrupt banana republic controlled by large donors and foreign governments. The election of Hillary Clinton would lead to the destruction of our country."

Projection is not just a river in Egypt.

All that and it's, what? Not even 11 a.m. Wednesday morning.

The day is so very young.

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