When you come from a mindset where keeping score is only something talk about when you cheating is normal why should it matter. If I thought like that I would agree, but guess what? I don't, so I can't. You know that you are talking like Hillary. "What difference does it make" See the illness has been transmitted. Denial is the first step, you now need to accept, hopefully forgive yourself, once you're there I can be a higher power and you can learn not to be so difficult on yourself. Hey bhawks, I already forgave you for all the childish things you said. Carrying pain can be very unfortunate