At the marriage councilor... The first thing I must demand is that you two stop the name calling...
Unless of course, Needle Dick, and Canyon Cunt are your real names.

How is an ex-wife like an inflamed appendix?
It caused you a lot of pain, but after it was removed, you found out you didn't need it anyway.

Doctor: "I'm not sure what's wrong with you. It
may be due to drinking."
Me: "OK, I'll come back when you're sober."

I said to my doctor: "I'm frightened of lapels."
He said: "You've got cholera."

Gynecologist: "Relax madam. haven't you
ever been examined like this before?"
Patient: "Yes, but not by a doctor."

Difference between a wife and a vulture?
A vulture has enough common courtesy to wait till your dead to pick you clean.

Woman, can't live with them... That's all I've got.

Arguing with your wife... Is like trying to nail jello to a tree... You can't win.