Donald Trump Has Got the Empty Suits at the RNC Sweating
BY CHARLES P. PIERCE
FEB 22, 2016
Let's get right to it. The winner of the House Cup by acclamation this week is This Week With The Clinton Guy Shocked By Bl*wjobs. The show wins the coveted jug by lending itself as a platform to obvious anagram Reince Priebus, the emptiest suit in American politics and titular leader of a Republican Party that is currently treating him like gum on its shoe.
This weekend, He, Trump won in South Carolina, thereby proving that nobody in Priebus' office knows anything, or has the kind of influence that can stop He, Trump from doing whatever he wants with the Party of Lincoln. Priebus now seems to be channeling Kevin Bacon from the parade scene in Animal House. Remain calm. All is well.
PRIEBUS: No, I don't think so, George. I think that if you look at all these exit polls on both sides of the aisle, I think people are just sick and tired of—of politics in general, sick and tired of Washington, DC, and I think just actually sick and tired of—of all the—both parties. So I mean I—I think it's just a general feeling out there that's real. I wouldn't deny it. But, obviously, all these, uh, folks are fighting to be the nominee and spokesperson of our party, um, and we're going to be there to support whoever that nominee is.
As though you have a fcking choice, Reince. If He, Trump runs the table, he's going to have you serving drinks on the helicopter in a French maid's outfit.
PRIEBUS: If the delegates, you know, get accumulated in such a way that any one of these candidates becomes the nominee, it's our job to support that nominee and we will. Uh, so, yes, we're prepared to support whoever the nominee becomes.
I think it's early in the process, but certainly when it—when the time comes and when we're sitting, either before Cleveland or at Cleveland or whenever that point may come and however a presumptive nominee, what will happen is the RNC will join in with that nominee and we will put together the biggest—which we've already started doing—the biggest ground game and data operation that we've ever seen. And you know we've made incredible strides at the RNC in becoming far more prepared today than we were four years ago.
If you'd never seen the Victoria Falls of flopsweat, you got a look at it on Sunday. If Priebus's suit weren't completely empty, he'd have soaked it through by now.
PRIEBUS: You know what, winning is the antidote to a lot of things. And so the name of the game is winning in November. If we win in November, uh, all those armchair quarterbacks will fall in line and they'll—they'll obviously be pretty pleased, I think, if we win in November. But who the nominee is going to be is not my choice and—and obviously, uh, we're going to support whoever that is.
Of course, as the Clinton Guy points out, there is always the possibility of a brokered convention which, along with sweeping Chris Matthews into heavenly bliss on golden clouds of glory, will be a delightful television spectacle, especially if the Trump folks think they're being euchred out of the nomination.
Luckily, none other than Reince Priebus will be up there on the rostrum to maintain order.
Remain calm. All is well.
