Rubio Abruptly Departs G.O.P. Debate After Low-Battery Warning


By Andy Borowitz



Credit Photograph by Chip Somodevilla / Getty

GREENVILLE, South Carolina (The Borowitz Report)

—Senator Marco Rubio of Florida was forced to leave Saturday night’s crucial Republican Presidential debate after suffering what aides called a “low-battery warning.”

Rubio’s abrupt departure occurred immediately following his opening statement, which started in a spirited manner but concluded with the senator uttering the word “Obama” no fewer than a dozen times in succession.

With the other candidates and debate moderators looking on, Rubio’s eyes appeared to roll back in his head, which fell forward and came to rest on his podium.

As the unconscious Rubio stood motionless onstage, moderators momentarily panicked.

“We didn’t know what was going on,” the moderator, John Dickerson, said. “This is the sort of thing we’ve come to expect from Ben Carson, but not Rubio.”

Aides immediately rushed onstage and removed Rubio, who is expected to return to the campaign trail on Sunday.

“This is on us,” a Rubio aide said. “Fully charged, Marco is capable of going for up to ten hours.”