Birthdays

I got my grandson a flat piece of cardboard for his birthday because he said he wanted an ex-box.

Me to wife: "But you still haven't used the birthday present I got you last year - that nice cemetery plot."

I asked my wife what she wanted for her birthday. She said: "Nothing would make me happier than a diamond necklace." So that's what I got her - nothing.

The best birthday gift I ever received was a kitchen herb. There's no present like the thyme.

For her birthday, my wife told me to get something that would make her look sexy. So I got drunk.