One day Utube, Twitter, and Facebook
will join together and be called UTwitFace.

I just finished building
Rome with my grandson's Legos. Only took me a day.

I was standing in line at the supermarket yesterday and a voice announced, "Checkout, number 5." I've seen better.

My doctor said to me, Do you know your sperm count?" I said, "I didn't realize they were that smart."

I just took some pills and now my pupils look massive. I really shouldn't take hallucinogenic drugs while teaching.

Todays generation:
Six-year-old boy to four-year-old boy: "Dude, I found a condom on the balcony."
Four-year-old boy: "What's a balcony?"

I like the fact that my penis gives me a standing ovation just for waking up in the morning.

My spam folder is full of e-mails offering cheap Viagra. They must think I'm a soft target.

I thought I'd found the perfect website to help me overcome my fear of flying - then it crashed.