The Birth Order, Part I 
Your Clothes: 

1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy. 

2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible. 

3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes. 

Preparing for the Birth: 

1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously. 

2nd baby: You don't bother because you remember that last time, breathing didn't do a thing. 

3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your eighth month. 

The Layette: 

1st baby: You pre-wash newborn's clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau. 

2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains. 

3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they? 

Worries: 

1st baby: At the first sign of distress--a whimper, a frown--you pick up the baby. 

2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn. 

3rd baby: You teach your three-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing. 

Pacifier: 

1st baby: If the pacifier falls on the floor, you put it away until you can go home and wash and boil it. 

2nd baby: When the pacifier falls on the floor, you squirt it off with some juice from the baby's bottle. 

3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in. 

Diapering: 

1st baby: You change your baby's diapers every hour, whether they need it or not. 

2nd baby: You change their diaper every two to three hours, if needed. 

3rd baby: You try to change their diaper before others start to complain about the smell or you see it sagging to their knees. 

Activities: 

1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby Story Hour. 

2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics. 

3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner. 

Going Out: 

1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home five times. 

2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached. 

3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood. 

At Home: 

1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby. 

2nd baby: You spend a bit of everyday watching to be sure your older child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby. 

3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children. 

Swallowing Coins: 

1st child: When first child swallows a coin, you rush the child to the hospital and demand x-rays. 

2nd child: When second child swallows a coin, you carefully watch for the coin to pass. 

3rd child: When third child swallows a coin you deduct it from his allowance!! 

GRANDCHILDREN: ...God's reward for allowing your children to live