**HOW TO INSTALL A SOUTHERN HOME SECURITY SYSTEM**

..1. Go to Goodwill and buy a pair of size 14-16 men's work boots.

..2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns & Ammo Magazine

..3. Put four giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazines.

..4. Leave a note on your door that reads:

Bubba,

Me and Marcel, Virgil, Erra, T-Bone and Jimmy Earl went for more ammo and a gallon of sweet tea. Be back in an hour.

Don't mess with the pit bulls. They got the mailman this morning and messed him up bad.

I don't think Killer took part, but it was hard to tell from all the blood. Anyway, I locked all four of 'em in the house.

Better wait outside. Be right back.

Cooter