Posted On: 05/02/2014 9:21:23 PM
Post# of 5246
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Got my passport application forms back today.
Apparently in the Place of Birth section: "between my mother's legs" isn't an acceptable answer.
I ran into my ex today....
and then I put my car in reverse and did it again.
Note to self:
Asking the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your Facebook status in no way helps you gets out of a DUI.
It's amazing how the people with no job
always have a bag of weed on them.
I don't understand fast food.
I've been eating it for years but I seem to be getting slower and slower.
If you ever Google "Gary Oldman" for heavens sake don't forget the "r".
I used to be afraid of the dark.
Now I'm terrified of the electricity bill.
Can't find the perfect mate? Guys waiting for the perfect girl = Playboy's fault.
Girls waiting for the perfect guy = Disney's fault.
The worst thing about having ADD and OCD
is that I forget to wash my hands 50 times a day.
GOOD NEWS: Girls think I have a magical power. BAD NEWS: It’s invisibility.
Me and the wife decided to make our own sex tape.
She was pissed off when I started holding auditions for her part.
People say 60 is the new 40...
the cop that pulled me over this morning disagreed.
Of course I can keep a secret.
It’s the people I tell it to who can’t.
My wife told me she was expecting a baby.
"You'd better go and open the door." I said. "They'll never reach the doorbell".
Kids getting a puppy soon? Name it what you want but remember, this will be the answer to security questions for the rest of your life.
Apparently in the Place of Birth section: "between my mother's legs" isn't an acceptable answer.
I ran into my ex today....
and then I put my car in reverse and did it again.
Note to self:
Asking the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your Facebook status in no way helps you gets out of a DUI.
It's amazing how the people with no job
always have a bag of weed on them.
I don't understand fast food.
I've been eating it for years but I seem to be getting slower and slower.
If you ever Google "Gary Oldman" for heavens sake don't forget the "r".
I used to be afraid of the dark.
Now I'm terrified of the electricity bill.
Can't find the perfect mate? Guys waiting for the perfect girl = Playboy's fault.
Girls waiting for the perfect guy = Disney's fault.
The worst thing about having ADD and OCD
is that I forget to wash my hands 50 times a day.
GOOD NEWS: Girls think I have a magical power. BAD NEWS: It’s invisibility.
Me and the wife decided to make our own sex tape.
She was pissed off when I started holding auditions for her part.
People say 60 is the new 40...
the cop that pulled me over this morning disagreed.
Of course I can keep a secret.
It’s the people I tell it to who can’t.
My wife told me she was expecting a baby.
"You'd better go and open the door." I said. "They'll never reach the doorbell".
Kids getting a puppy soon? Name it what you want but remember, this will be the answer to security questions for the rest of your life.
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