The word "gullible", when said really slowly,sounds like "oranges".

I called the suicide hotline... they gave me the go-ahead.

I was going to join the debate club but
someone talked me out of it.

A farmer in the field with his cows counted
196 of them, but when he rounded them up he had 200.

It was such an emotional wedding, even the cake
was in tiers.

I'm so excited this girl said I was the one.
I'm sure the other guys in the police lineup are jealous.

So I said to this train driver: 'I want to go to Paris.'
He said: 'Eurostar?'
I said: 'I've been on telly, but I'm no Dean Martin.'

I used to have a midget girlfriend. She wanted to go up on me all of the time.

I saw a 50 inch T.V for sale in a window with a sign that read '$50, volume button broken'.
I thought to myself, I can't turn that down.

What did the blonde say to the physicist?
"Why, I just love nuclear fission! What do you use for bait?"

I was a vegetarian until
I started leaning towards sunlight.