The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly neologism contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternative meanings for common words. 

The winners are: 

1. Coffee 
(n.), the person upon whom one coughs. 

2. Flabbergasted (adj.), 
appalled over how much weight you have gained. 

3. Abdicate (v.), to 
give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach. 

4. Esplanade (v.), to 
attempt an explanation while drunk. 

5. Willy-nilly (adj.), 
impotent. 

6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you 
absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown. 

7. Lymph (v.), to 
walk with a lisp. 

8. Gargoyle (n), olive-flavored mouthwash. 

9. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by 
a steamroller. 

10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding 
hairline. 

11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam. 

12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by 
proctologists. 

13. Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist. 

14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with 
Yiddishisms. 

15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), (back by popular demand): The 
belief that, when you die, your soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck 
there. 

16. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts 
worn by Jewish men.